


Back to life

by themoonowl



Series: On Our Own Terms [1]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Colonist (Mass Effect), Drama, F/F, F/M, Gen, Guilt, M/M, Muslim Character, Post-Mass Effect 3, Rescue Missions, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoonowl/pseuds/themoonowl
Summary: An apartment filled with a bunch of plants. Freshly cooked breakfast and coffee every morning. Lazy Sunday afternoons on the sofa. Family, happiness, fulfilment. This is it, Samed and Kaidan's future, a life after the Reapers.But what does that mean, a life after the Reapers? Especially since destroying them came at a price: the life of a dear friend. An entire race of machines. There is no question about it: EDI and the geth need to be brought back first.Fully drafted, updates every week, usually Wednesday/Thursday
Relationships: EDI & Male Shepard (Mass Effect), EDI/Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Jeff "Joker" Moreau & Male Shepard, Kaidan Alenko & EDI, Kaidan Alenko & Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Kaidan Alenko & Kaidan Alenko's Father, Kaidan Alenko & Kaidan Alenko's Mother, Kaidan Alenko & Normandy Crew, Kaidan Alenko & Original Character(s), Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard, Male Shepard & Original Character(s), Male Shepard & Samantha Traynor, Normandy Crew & Male Shepard
Series: On Our Own Terms [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180706
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Back to life

_Dad brushes off Kaidan's suit pads. "Looking. Good."_

_"Oh, Niki." Mom can't contain her excitement. "It's like looking at a young you!"_

_"What are you talking about, I am a young me! Ha!" Dad lets out a hearty laugh, and the knot in Kaidan's stomach loosens up, even if it's just a little._

_Kaidan takes a deep breath. Exhales. This is it. Samed's outside that door and._

_And._

_He can't move his legs. Or, his leg, more like. It aches, it throbs, it—_

_Blood oozes out of it._

_Blood and—_

_Chocolate brown eyes behind the blue holo of a visor. "No matter what happens. Know that I love you. Always."_

_The beam. He needs to run for the beam, needs to get up, needs to—_

Kaidan gasped awake and sat up. _The beam,_ he needed to get to the Citadel, Samed was out there and—

A slight lurch shook the ship. Like right before taking off into FTL.

Which meant—

"NO!"

*******

_“Kaidan!"_ Heavy breathing. He was running. _"Kaidan. If you're listening.”_ Explosions, every time Kaidan replayed the transmission. _“I love you. I promised—”_ More explosions, fear creeping deeper and deeper into Kaidan's chest. _"A future. Our future. I can’t wait to see it."_

The transmission cut off. It cut off every time.

Kaidan pressed the drawing Samed had made of them even tighter to his chest. Still smelled like him, like his Samed, like his special guy. His special guy that was stranded somewhere, whose last words—

_Last words?_

He clenched his teeth as another tear reached his lips.

No. 

The Normandy was running its last reserves of fuel. The stars were lines outside the window in Starboard Observation. And damn it, those would not be Samed's last words.

*******

"Attention—" A sniff came from Joker over the comm. "Attention, everyone. Earth inbound in about ten. Citadel in five." Kaidan blinked the uneasy, painkiller-induced sleep from his eyes and lurched up from the sofa.

Walking with a limp, his thigh still slightly throbbing with a dull, numb pain, he opened the door to Garrus and Liara standing in front of the elevator. Liara had dark circles under her eyes and Garrus? Garrus just looked like he’d seen hell.

No words were exchanged. Just short, knowing glances, that they should save their strength, their emotions, whatever—until after Samed had been found. They had to. _He_ had to.

The door opened and the three of them stepped in, Garrus practically punching the button for the shuttle bay.

At the fourth floor, the door opened again, Tali barging in. The elevator went down in complete silence the rest of the way.

The door opened to Vega, already in full armor, laying everyone's equipment on the workbench.

"Here's—" He started to speak but his voice cracked and he choked up. "Yeah." Everyone moved past him and got to their respective gear.

_"You're my lucky charm now,"_ Samed's words passed through him like a ghost as he was putting on his armor’s inner padding. He took out the drawing out of his pocket, sticking it into a crease in his armor.

_No matter what happens. Know that I love you. Always._ More ghostlike words. Haunting him. Kaidan shook his head and proceeded to secure his armor plates.

_A sneaky kiss as Samed adjusts his armor plates and puts extra heatsinks in the pouches on his waist._

He shook his head again, shook away the memories, shook—gah, his head was heavy, heavy from all the tears he held back.

_"Kaidan. Go. Now." All of the escape pods land safely on Alchera. He's not in the last one. ”We never found a body.”_

_"My lucky charm."_

_“I love you. Always.”_

_"Never found a body."_

_"Our future."_

_“Never found a body.”_

No. Not again. Never again. Kaidan wiped his eyes before putting his breather helmet on. Not letting go. He'd look for him dammit, he'd find him. Not. Letting. Go. That was a promise.

The Kodiak whirred to life and that was everyone's cue. Steve opened the shuttle door and motioned for everyone to get inside.

The hangar doors opened.

"So are we gonna search the Citadel first or?" Vega was the first to break the silence that had settled in Kodiak's cargo department.

"The signal is coming from the Citadel, yes. But we should check London too, just in case," Liara said.

"Agreed," Garrus added. "Or maybe we should split up and search in teams. Could cover more ground that way."

"Good idea. Kaidan." His eyes darted up to meet Liara's. "I believe you, Tali, and myself would be best suited to search the Citadel."

Kaidan nodded. "Agreed."

"And Vega and I will continue off to London. Got it."

Liara nodded and took a deep breath, her eyes filling up with tears. "Goddess. I promised myself I wouldn't cry."

Tali placed a hand on her shoulder and pulled her into a hug, her helmet fogging up from the inside.

Kaidan merely nodded at them. If he said anything, anything at all, there was no doubt about it—he'd break down too. Hell, everyone would. They continued the flight in silence.

It wasn't long before the shuttle door opened to the Presidium—or what was left of it. What used to be fountains and grass were now ruins. Bloody ruins. What used to be an artificial sky was mixed with the giant orb _thing_ that was the Crucible, rotating around itself. Or maybe the Presidium rotating around it.

"You think there's any air here? Kaidan asked and jumped down.

At his question, Tali pulled out her omni-tool—the only one she managed to get to full power—and made an arching motion with her hand. "Seems that way."

"That is good news," Liara said as the shuttle flew off. "It means that Shepard could still be alive. Tali, could you pull up the signal?"

"On it." Tali's omni-tool extended into a small numbered display that showed the distance from Shepard in meters. The number on it was in the four-hundreds.

"Alright. Okay. So Samed’s about half a kilometre away."

"It only shows the distance from Shepard's transponder. If he somehow got separated from the device—" Liara sighed.

Kaidan tried to swallow the lump that formed in his throat, putting the dire thought away with a shake of his head. "Right. Let's keep looking, then."

The three of them trod on rubble, their footsteps and the beeping noise from Tali's tracker the only sound that echoed through the unsettling emptiness of it all. Every step brought with it an ache, the air becoming more and more tense. The tracker started showing smaller and smaller numbers; first only a hundred, then it dipped into the double-digits. Ninety. Eighty. Fifty. Twenty-five. The ache became almost unbearable.

Kaidan flicked a glance at Liara: her eyes were filled with tears again. Tali's breathing was loud behind her mask. Who knew how he looked or sounded. Probably like hell. But that didn't matter. Finding Samed did. 

_Or at least his corpse._

No, damn it! Not his corpse. Him. Samed. His guy. Not. Letting. Go.

The tracker reached ten.

"Shepard!" Liara started shouting.

"Shepard!" Tali too.

Kaidan's lungs felt like they were about to burst and a loud, desperate "Samed!" left him, his voice cracking at the end of it.

A faint gasp came from below the rubble and Kaidan's chest tightened even more. "He's close! SAMED!"

"There!" Liara pointed out a small protrusion and they all ran, digging through it, lifting rock and debris and moving them away.

After a while, and a whole lot of rubble, a small empty area opened up where a sitting figure sat—charred armor, a heavily bruised face, eyes that were barely opened.

It was him. Kaidan's eyes swelled up, the tightness left his chest.

He found him. 

The war was over. It was their time now. _Their_ future.

Kaidan took his helmet off and lunged forward into the clearing, holding Samed's face with gloved hands, gently and carefully. "Samed?" he asked with a whisper and a wan smile formed on Samed’s bloody lips, which he couldn't help but kiss.

Samed gasped again, heavily. Barely. He needed medical help, _fast_.

One arm under his back, another under his legs, Kaidan pulled him up and out of the hole of debris, set him down in a relatively horizontal empty spot, and turned to Liara and Tali.

"Anyone know CPR?"

Liara nodded.

"Okay. Here's what we do. Liara, press on his chest, but not too hard, okay? I'll blow in his mouth while you do that. Understood?"

Liara nodded and got into position.

Kaidan took a deep breath and poured all the air he had in his lungs into Samed's mouth, Liara pressing down in almost perfect rhythm. After a while, Samed started to cough, violently—a good sign. His eyes opened again, those beautiful chocolate eyes of his, his mouth curved into a smile and he stretched out a hand. "Kaidan…"

"Hey. I'm here. I'm always here."

"Shepard, can you move your legs?" Liara asked. At her question, Samed started to wiggle his left foot, then his right.

"He's lost a lot of blood," Tali said, and using her omni-tool applied medi-gel around his stomach. "This should help while we get him to a proper hospital. Can you move your legs again, Shepard?" 

With a groan, Samed lifted his right knee, then his left. "Thanks. Tali." He coughed.

"How's he doing, Tali?" Kaidan asked. "Any serious injuries?"

Tali ran her omni-tool over his whole body. "Several broken ribs, a puncture in the stomach, bruising, some burns on his back and—your legs look pretty bad, Shepard. All of your tendons show critical spraining."

Liara smiled and sighed. "You got off lucky."

Samed turned to Kaidan, a wan, but knowing smile on his face. A smile just for him.

Kaidan brushed his bruised face and gave him a soft smile. "We're getting you to a hospital. Hang on, okay? I love you."

"Love." He coughed and groaned. "Love you too. Kaidan." He forced a smile.

This was it. Their future, a life after the Reapers. After so long. He found him.

* * *

Samed opened his eyes. One blink, two—his vision filled with a faint white light against a tiled ceiling. Sort of like a hospital of some kind. A small thread of ozone reached his senses and for a second— _dark and cold, then blinding light behind a figure in blue armor._

His hands twitched, his fingers wedged into something fuzzy and warm. Struggling to lift his head, Samed saw a head of dark hair next to him, the occasional grey strand mixed in. A painful smile drew across his face, and his hand trembled as he ran his fingers through.

Kaidan let out a low hum and slowly lifted his head. Then opened his eyes and blinked.

The next moment Kaidan's lips were on his, cool soothing hands on his burning cheeks as flutters flooded his stomach and chest. He was alive. He was alive and with Kaidan and—

A sharp stab in his ribs. Pain cut through his whole body, through every muscle and bone. It was like he'd been hit by a truck. Or ran two marathons side by side with the way his legs throbbed. He tapped Kaidan twice on the back and winced as he pulled away.

"Heh. Sorry. You okay?"

"Yeah," Samed groaned as Kaidan pressed a button next to his bed. Within seconds the pain subsided into a dull, hazy ache, relaxing his muscles.

"Uh. Medigel. Gerry, a friend of mine that works here on the Banting told me to press that button in case, uh. Never mind. How do you feel?"

Samed managed a smile and slowly and agonizingly lifted his hand, cupping Kaidan's cheek. "Better now."

"Don't ever." Kaidan sighed through gritted teeth. "Don't leave me again."

"I won't. I didn't want to even then, but you were—"

"Injured. I know. Still, I. You're here. You're alive. And—" Kaidan broke into a short bitter laugh as his eyes began to glisten. "I love you so damn much."

"I love you too.” Using all the strength he could muster, Samed pulled Kaidan into a long, drawn-out kiss. “Always," he whispered into his lips. 

*******

After a hospital breakfast consisting of some kind of weird tasteless porridge and a checkup from the doctor—that oddly enough didn’t involve an omni-tool—Samed had questions. Many questions. 

He distinctly remembered the glow of Tali’s omni-tool over his body when they found him. This doctor did the same scans now but in the old fashioned way, no omni-tool in sight. It was odd. They’d even used omnis during minor procedures like his eye correction surgery many years ago, so perhaps the doctor— _Gerry, was it?—_ knew?

"Oh, I don't know what happened, eh. First thing we saw was a red wave of some kind and next thing we know almost all of our machines are going haywire. Lucky life support survived. Or that would've been a lot of patients dead."

Perhaps the Normandy did escape the blast. They did know precisely where to look, after all—something that only an omni-detector could do.

Gerry wrote something in his notepad and left the room. Kaidan came back moments later, a sparkle in his eyes as he sat down and gave him a careful, feather-light kiss.

"Hey—ah!” Samed tried to pull himself up on the bed, before a sharp pain stung his left arm. “What—ugh. What exactly happened after the Crucible went off? Did you get my message? Were your systems fried too? Is EDI okay?"

Suddenly that sparkle disappeared. Uneasiness spread through Samed's stomach, like he was about to get bad news. "About that. Uh. We—got your message, yeah. Helped us locate you, actually. Smart move."

Samed pursed his lips. There was more coming, and Kaidan’s shifting eyes only confirmed that.

"And, as for EDI.” Kaidan sighed. “She shut down right after relaying your message." Samed widened his eyes. "It…didn't look like it was by choice. I'm sorry, Samed."

"And. The geth?" Samed asked, voice trembling and whispery.

"The geth? Well, communications are still scrambled. So we don't know yet. Tali's on it, she says. But yeah. Comms are dead everywhere."

"Have you ran diagnostics on her, anything?"

"On EDI? Some minor damage control in the AI core. Not like a fire, but. Burned circuits. Lots of them. Adams is on that, but scans are being vague right now. We’ll need time to make sense of all the data. So far, what we’ve found is—"

Kaidan continued talking, but Samed wasn’t listening anymore. He was in the Crucible, _an ancient AI condensed into a small boy staring at him, offering three choices._

_The first he ponders. The second he rejects because it feels like slavery. The third one feels like he's God._

_But he's not. He's just a man._

Just a man who thought he would outsmart, outrun, send the Normandy a message, warn everyone about the dangers before it was too late.

A whispered, trembling, "I failed," left his lips.

_Death, its redness like fire, the fiery smoke, the destruction it leaves like inferno, he runs,_

_“Joker! Joker, you there? This is Shepard!”_

_Nobody answers. God, he hopes they'll get the message._

_“EDI? EDI listen to me. You have to go offline, or. Or put up some kind of barrier. The Crucible will destroy everything Reaper-related. You have Reaper tech. Have someone put up a barrier around the core. EDI, come in!”_

_Still no answer. Hope he's doing the right thing._

_He is running out of breath, but he runs, he needs to run, he needs to,_

_“Kaidan! Kaidan. If you're listening.” The Crucible explodes behind him, but he needs to run. “I love you. I promised—” The shockwave slams into his back, staggering him. "A future. Our future. I can’t wait to see it."_

_"Samed?"_

“Samed?” A cold hand on his cheek, sad amber eyes gazed into his. "Hey, you okay?"

Samed closed his eyes and pulled away. "I killed them."

"You didn't kill them. You sent out a warning. You did the best you could under the circumstances."

Kaidan didn't know. Kaidan didn't know he had a _choice_ in the matter, a way his friend—a way an entire race—could still live now if he hadn’t been so. Arrogant. 

Samed's lips trembled as he started: "The Crucible. It gave me three choices." Kaidan stared back confused, but he needed to do this. Needed to confess, needed to tell the truth. He couldn't be with the man he loved while veiled in lies. "I picked the one that killed EDI. The one that wiped out an entire race."

Kaidan's brows knitted and his lips pursed. "Okay. What were the other ones then?"

“To control the Reapers. And to…sort of merge organic and synthetic life into one.”

“Okay.” Kaidan started massaging his temples. “One thing at a time. Control. How would you have controlled Reapers?”

“I’d become an AI. Upload my consciousness to the Citadel and. Control them. Replace the previous intelligence that used to do that.”

“And the one you picked?”

“It destroyed all Reaper-made tech. EDI, EDI was made from it, and the geth—the geth ascended with it. So.” He stopped himself, unable to say the rest.

“That means they took the brunt of it.”

Samed nodded.

“But if you control the Reapers. That means you control EDI. And the geth. And that’s. Messed up. That’s slavery, Samed.” Kaidan’s gaze met his, glistening, glossy. The fog in his mind thinned a little with that look Kaidan gave him, that look of understanding.

A question arose in Samed’s mind. What would EDI say to this, the choice between slavery or death? What would EDI—the one who never stopped asking questions, who explored humanity, who modified her own self-preservation code for Joker, for everyone on the Normandy, she who _loved_ the entire crew, loved conversations, loved gossiping, loved making jokes—God, Samed’s heart ached at the thought of her being dead, his skin crawled at the thought of him being the one to end her too-short life. 

EDI—the one who fought against her own shackles—if she were to make the choice, what would she say?

Samed turned his eyes back to Kaidan.

And that understanding man sitting next to him, that man he loved, like he’d read his thoughts, said, “EDI wouldn’t like that. I’m sure of it.”

“Kaidan _—I killed her._ She's—”

“We can get her back! The geth too! Tali already fixed her omni-tool, imagine what you, Sam, Tali, Adams, hell—everyone from Engineering could do. Maybe we could even take this to Hackett, too. Request a full team of experts from the Alliance. I’m sure he’d spring for it. You did save the galaxy after all.”

“Like _I_ was brought back from the dead?”

Kaidan’s lips thinned at the question.

“What Cerberus did to me…was that even right?”

“Samed.” He sighed. “You know, I asked myself a similar thing once. And you know what I found out?”

Cool hand touched his bruised cheek again and Samed leaned in, breathing in that ozone scent Kaidan carried with him at all times.

“That I had to thank Cerberus that you’re here. That they’re the reason I get to be with you, that I get to love you, get to just.” A shivering breath left Kaidan’s lips, and his eyes turned glassy again.

“Kaidan… I. I fucked up.” His voice came out whispering and raspy. “You—I. I did a terrible, horrible thing. You can’t love me. Not like this, I—”

“You don’t get to decide that. I do. I love every part of you. And you have no idea how proud I am right now. You defeated the Reapers, the greatest challenge of our lives. To have you here again after all that, to—” Tears rolled down to his cheeks which Samed brushed off with both his thumbs. The first time he saw Kaidan cry and it was for his unworthy self. “I love you, dammit.” Kaidan pressed his forehead to his. “I love you so much.”

Samed clenched his teeth as tears started to fall from his eyes and onto his cheeks. A broken, “I love you too” left his lips.

"And I won't lose you. Not again. Not after I finally found you in that rubble. Not letting go."


End file.
